All Aboard the Crazy Train

So much has happened since the last blog. I'm not even sure where to really begin. I guess the biggest and best news, on some days, is that I have a boyfriend. I know...insane, right!? Me? I actually found one that made it past two weeks. His name is Adam and I met him at work. Usually, I would frown at workplace romances but I figure that I'm not in a position to be choosy if settling down and having a family is what I want. At one point in time, that was my dream. Somewhere down the road, reality got in the way and showed me what a couple of douche bags could do to a girl's self-esteem, hopes and future plans.
Luckily, after so many frogs, I think I may have found my prince (fingers crossed, holding tightly to a lucky 4-leaf clover in one hand and a rabbit's foot in the other, all while wishing desperately on a shooting star!) The past few weeks have been amazing if a bit unrealistic. I knew on our first date that I was going to be with Adam for a long time. It was like everything I've ever heard about, and didn't believe, about FATE and realizing your soul mate when you meet them. I remember the moment, to the minute, during the date that this heaviness came over me and that was it. Apparently, he felt the same way, not at that exact moment, but he knew that I was going to be someone significant in his life, probably before I did because he's a lot more open with his feelings and emotions than I am. I actually tried to fight it for awhile but then just gave up after a couple weeks.
The ripple in this beautiful picture, is me. I have never been bitter about anything that has happened in my past. In fact, I think I handled most of it with a lot of grace and quietly moved on. With that said, each new pain left its own scar and I've become overly cautious and suspicious of any man that comes into my life. Adam included. The difference with him is, when I'm with him, I think of nothing else except the possibilities of what could be, how happy he makes me and how in love with him I am. We've been together for a little less than a month and I'm already head over heels for him. The best thing is that he is in love with me, too. Adam has never been anything except open and honest with me, about everything. He's been different from any other guy I've ever met in the way he treats me, responds to me and communicates with me. The problem is when I'm NOT with him. That's when the demons surface and cause me to start overanalyzing conversations, question his every motive and just generally, try to sabotage myself and our relationship. I know, it's crazy. It's like everything I've ever wanted is finally happening and I'm trying to find ways to make it less genuine if that makes sense.
I used to live by this quote by Marilyn Monroe, "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left." It was as if it epitomized everything that I was coming to believe about relationships. If you enter the relationship and leave on your terms, the risk of heartbreak significantly lessens. For the first time, I'm in an actual adult relationship that is built on honesty, passion and if nothing else, trust. I'm more terrified than I have ever been. Every day is an internal struggle to stay, fight and NOT run. If I'm honest with myself, the only thing keeping me grounded is the way my heart wants to explode with happiness every time I see him.
Now, I'm not waiting for my prince to come; I'm hoping against all odds that I get to keep him and just let myself be happy.

Bite Me

I just have to say this really quick before I go to work. I am a die hard Twilight fan, thanks to my youngest sister, Autumn. (Many sarcastic thanks to you, Mija!) Edward Cullen, while fictional, is a dream come true in an age where men are lying pigs who are out for an unsubstantial quickie with the nearest airheaded, size 0 blonde Playmate. They just don't make guys like him anymore. So, in honor of loyalty, passion and chivalry, here's a couple pictures of Edward. May all the 30-somethin' single girls like me meet their Edward soon!

Unnecessary Exertion of Energy

So, I've officially finished about a week and a half of work. There are three main points that I've come to realize:

1. USTRANSCOM is a big waste of government money.
2. For as big a base as Scott is and as much brass as it houses, there is NO EFFING PARKING!!
3. I am so ready to get out of the military!

Let me explain. US Transportation Command, or TRANSCOM, stood up approximately 4 years ago with the intent to oversee all military and military contracted surface, sea and air movements across the globe. Nice idea, right? Have one group organized of all different forces, whose sole mission is to come together and monitor whatever is moving within their scope around the world. In theory.... However, the Air Force already has TACC, the Army already has SDDC, the Navy has their thing as do the Marines. Not to mention, MY job, a Command Post controller whose main position in the military is to have command and control over everything that happens on a base and be the eyes and ears of the head honcho, is already being worked by FOUR other units on base. There is a wing Command Post, an AMC Command Center, TACC, and an AMCC
STILL not quite making sense? Ok... when the TRANSCOM stood up, the newly appointed commander decided that since the AMC Commander across the street had his own Emergency Actions Cell and command center and the Wing CC on the other side had HIS own Command Post that by all rights, he should have his own; hence, my current position: a peon in the TRANSCOM EA Cell. My main duties include answering the 6 phone calls a day and changing the channel from CNN to Fox News. It's truly a wonderful spendature of time.
To make things even more sparkly wonderful, I was going through the training outline the other day and I was instructed that when we go to meet the General, I will be shown the big glass doors to his office but under no circumstances am I to EVER walk through them. We are to walk in the back entrance so as not to be seen. Say what?! I work for that man and I'm not to be seen?? Like we're the damn hired help or something? Now, THAT'S some bull shit.
I keep shaking my head because I took this job because I NEEDED a change of pace and location, I knew it would be a pay cut (didnt realize HOW much) and I knew it would be a little colder but all that would be worth it if the job kept me busy enough to keep my mind off things. Sweet Jesus!! I'm going to enroll in school the second I'm done with training. I've never actually been ENCOURAGED to finish my degree at work before. That's something new.
However, the silver lining to this little diatribe, because it can't ALL be bad, right? I mean, aside from looking at school as a good thing, the people seem honestly cool. I guess you'd have to be to work in a place like that. There's only about 2 that I can see that will annoy me a bit but one I don't think will be there much longer so that's a good sign. Again, one can only hope in this situation.
In OTHER news, did ya'll see that stuff about Chris Brown and Rihanna? Giirrrlll!!! Lemme just go on record, right up front and say that there is something fishy with that story. And this is why: Story goes that the couple were in his car and he was driving her home. Enroute to her place, he got a suggestive text from another woman. Rhianna freaked out and made Chris drive on PAST her place where they stopped in a park. He supposedly hit her, she FAKED a call to a friend to meet her at her place and to have the cops waiting which only enraged Chris more so he started hitting her even more. She got scared, took the keys out of the ignition and threw them out the car. The story gets muddled from there with a witness hearing the screams calling the cops and Chris running away.
Ok...riddle me this. IF some hoochie called my boyfriend, the last place I'd want to be is in close confines with him. I would've made him drop me off and he could've done whatever the hell he wanted at that point. But, for argument's sake, let's just say, we did drive on. If someone is beating the heck out of you in a stopped vehicle, are you really going to take the keys and throw them out the window and STAY in the car to get your butt beat some more? I mean, is it just me or is this whole thing playing out to make Chris Brown look all evil way too quickly? And let me clarify! I do NOT think any man should lay his hand on any woman EVER. I'm just saying that I don't think Rihanna is as innocent in this thing as everyone is making her out to be.
That's all I have to say about that!
Until the next time.... XOXO

Forecast Calls for Interruption

Who knew the military had snow days?  And why did we have to have a snow day TODAY of all days?  Don't get me wrong!  I'm all for dereliction of duty in the purest of forms however, I was prepared...physically, if not mentally or emotionally, for my very first day of work, when I got the call NOT to come in.  I was literally stepping out of the front door, like Anne Boleyn to her death and here's Sir William Kingston on the line telling me my execution has been delayed another 24 hours.  Ok, so it's a little melodramatic but it's about the way I felt.  Mission essential only people were the only ones required at work so that means pretty much no one is going to be at work. 

I had planned on going to the grocery store after work today since I had nothing in the house to eat and now that I'll be sitting at home all day, I REALLY need food.  I figured I'd go out before it got too bad.  Ha ha.  Ha.  HA.  Sarcastically.  Ha.  

I should preface this by saying that although I am a resident of Alaska, I did not grow up there and I have never really driven in snow.  I have lived in warm, beach climates since I left home at 17.  This snow and ice crap, while fun when visiting my family, is NOT fun when I have to live and work in it.  I DID make it to Wal-Mart, the closest grocery store within 10 miles of my house, safely, which is good.  The hour that I was in there (I was literally out of EVERYTHING) my windshield and doors froze.  I'm not kidding.  The weather was a cross between rain, snow and hail.  I was sliding all over the road going 15 miles an hour and of course, a huge Mack truck decides to barrel in front of me on the highway throwing up muddy snow into my already caked over windshield.  The brand new wipers that were installed a few weeks ago in Ohio are working double time and are going to need replacing, AGAIN, in the spring.  

I make it home, just in the nick of time, as I was turning blue from lack of oxygen to the brain.  I didn't even realize that I wasn't breathing, too consumed by the frozen rivers on my cheeks caused by the streaming stress tears that spilled out of my eyes on the Icy Highway of Potential Death. 

And so, in order to turn a horrible day around, Im cooking.  It's the only way to calm myself down and Im cooking a HUGE meal.  Turkey, stuffing, green beans, mashed potatoes....a thanksgiving meal, if you will.  Comfort food.  To last me the week!  

Premature Positivity

New year, new location, new beginnings....

First blog EVER, so bear with me!  I want to try to branch out into different things and becoming more 'tech savvy' is one of my goals.  Seems everyone nowadays has a blog so why not me and since I'm now so far from friends and family, this serves a two-fold purpose. 

2008 was also a rather chaotic year for me and not all that positive.  I recently relocated to Illinois, Belleville area, specifically, due to the military and am REALLY hoping that it yields more for me, personally and professionally, than the last place I lived.  

I start work on Tuesday and I'm trying to maintain an upbeat attitude about it but I'm not going to be getting the job I thought I was so I really feel slighted and that I was lured here under false pretenses.  As much as we like to think we've taken several steps forward as a society, there are still so many obvious grey areas when it comes to males/females in the work place.  I've never been a feminist, per say, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph.... when is shit going to be fair when we're all doing the same job?

I've been single longer than I care to admit and while it never really bothered me before, I am now 31 years old and that little clock that all females are born with has recently started ticking a little too loudly for me to drown out with drunken weekends at nameless bars.  Not that the men, and I use the term very loosely, that you meet at said bars are there for anything other than a good time so all in all, it's become a pretty pointless past time.  I should say, it beCAME a pointless past time awhile ago.  I'd much rather sit at home and drink wine with a couple of great girlfriends or find an Irish pub and down a few pints and have a conversation with friends that I don't have to shout at to hear them over the music.  

Anyway, as said, I'm stuck out here in the middle of the midwest, all alone, it's the New Year and this is one hell of a new beginning.  I guess I'll just try to roll with the punch right off the bat and see what happens...  Wish me luck, everyone!